“Choose your friends wisely” is something I bet we have all heard more than once. It’s something that a lot of people tend to forget along the way though. As our adult life progresses, the ease of making friends disappears with it. We no longer go to school and have the opportunity to be surrounded by people on a daily basis.
For some people having friends is more important than others. For those few people who need to have friends to feel complete, choosing the right friends is even more important. As a teenager, all I wanted to do was escape my family. I started seriously rebelling in the seventh grade. As eighth grade rolled around, my life choices didn’t seem to get any better. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, a crowd who was more into the drugs and alcohol scene than I had been. Hanging out with this crowd was the beginning of my path down a dark road. There was so much partying that this was all was fog. I can’t remember how I got to places or how I got home. I’m surprised I wasn’t murdered or raped. If I had chosen different friends in those crucial teen years, I may have a different story to tell you now.
Your relationships have a massive impact on your success. Why is that? Because your friends determine how you think. They affect your mindset. You’ve probably heard that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with …and that is absolutely true. It is impossible for you to grow beyond the level of the people around you. That’s why it’s vital to reject the low standards of other people in your life. Sometimes people get stuck within their low standards and they simply don’t respect themselves.
Personally, I can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t respect themselves. I’ve come so far from being the person who didn’t have that crucial respect for herself. I can’t ever allow myself to go back there. If you lower your standards and allow people to treat you in a certain way, you will eventually become just like them.
If you’re wondering “well, how do I know if a person is going to be toxic”, I have a few behaviors to look out for. I call these behaviors “red – flag behaviors”.
Red Flag #1: How they talk about others. Have you ever hung out with a group of girls where everyone seemed to get along perfectly and were best friends? Then later as you got to know the girls individually you noticed that one of them was constantly saying horrible things behind everyone else’s back? I definitely have been in this situation, and all you wonder is what kind of horrible things that she said about you behind your back. A person who gossips and spreads negativity about others is like poison. They contaminate everything they touch.
Red Flag #2: How they respond to another person’s kindness. This is the complete opposite of being a gossip. Some people are just so against seeing kindness, or just don’t believe that any can be truly kind and helping. For example, my husband Brent prepares my coffee in the morning when he gets ready. This type of behavior will annoy people who are not thoughtful or caring. They cannot stand it when others show kindness. These are the kind of people who are constantly sarcastic and have fun making fun of people.
Red Flag #3: How they treat their spouse in public. Have you ever been out with a couple that couldn’t stop arguing or criticizing each other in front of you? Talk about an awkward situation, you wonder how they are in private if they are so disparaging in public. I couldn’t imagine putting myself in a situation to listen to that couple argue over the tiniest things over and over again.
There can be many other red flags that you see in people on a daily basis. Think about it, what are some red flags you have seen? What is the behavior that you will not tolerate? Decide in your own heart what you will and will not tolerate. Then figure out how to withdraw from those relationships as best you can. I’ve had to do this over the years. Its never easy to make the decision to cut someone out of your life, but once you decide that enough is enough — your quality of life goes up.
The hardest part of this process is rejecting low standards. Once you have the courage to do that, it’s much easier to be more successful because you have started to get the obstacles out of the way. Now you can begin making real progress! What are some of the qualities you look for in a successful friendship? What kind of positive things do you want to surround yourself with? One of the most important qualities for me is inspiration, I need to surround myself with people who inspire me!
It takes courage to change and reach for a better life. Are you ready to start reaching?
0 Comments